What to Do About Your Wedding Vows

Wedding vows are more than just a declaration of love and devotion; they are a promise between the couple to honor at all times their commitment to one another. Whether a religious wedding ceremony or a non-religious wedding ceremony, that pledge is expressed through the wedding vows. There was a time when the wedding vows were more or less set in stone. Those days, however, are gone.

Traditional Vows

Traditional wedding vows provide a time honored and revered way to exchange vows. These are likely the same wedding vows used by your parents, grandparents and other ancestors throughout the generations. There's a special sense of continuity and connectedness in knowing you're using those same words and that some day, so too may your children.

Religious weddings vary according to the specific religion. However, in general, vows are exchanged in one of two ways. The officiant can pose the vows as a question, to which the bride and groom answer "I do"

"Do you (name) take (partner's name) for your lawful wife/husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do you part?"

Should the couple choose this option they may wish to express their commitment during the exchange of the wedding rings.

Or the couple can state the vows for themselves or repeat them after the officiant:

"I (name) take you (partner's name) for my lawful wife/husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part."

There are many variations of these words. However the underlying theme of commitment to one another throughout good times and bad times remains constant. The examples listed below are the most common for their respective religions. You can use the Wedding Vows Worksheet to record the exact wording that will be used.

Catholic

"I, _____, take you, _____, for my lawful wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. I will love and honor you all the days of my life."

Episcopal

"In the name of God, I, _____, take you, _____, to be my wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until parted by death. This is my solemn vow."

Presbyterian

"I, _____, take you, _____, to be my wife/husband, and I do promise and covenant, before God and these witnesses, to be your loving and faithful husband/wife in plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live."

Protestant

"I, _____, take thee, _____, to be my wedded wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I pledge thee my faith."

Quaker

"In the presence of God and these our Friends, I take thee to be my wife/husband, promising with Divine assistance to be unto thee a loving and faithful husband/wife so long as we both shall live."

Unitarian/Universalist

"I, _____, take you, _____, to be my wife/husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish always."

Interfaith

"I,_____, take you, _____, to be my wife/husband. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love and honor you all the days of my life."

Nondenominational

"_____, I now take you to be my wedded wife/husband, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy relationship of marriage. I promise to love and comfort you, honor and keep you, and forsaking all others, I will be yours alone as long as we both shall live."

Ring Vows

At most wedding ceremonies, the exchange of rings immediately follows the recitation of vows and serves to seal those promises. The ring symbolizes the unbroken circle of love, and at many ceremonies, more vows are spoken as rings are exchanged. In some cases, the bride receives a ring during the ceremony but the groom does not, as at Orthodox and some Conservative Jewish weddings. For many weddings, couples choose the double-ring ceremony, wherein both the bride and groom give and receive rings.

The following customs are the most common for their respective religions.

Catholic - After the priest blesses the bride's ring, the groom places it on her finger. After the priest blesses the groom's ring, the bride places it on his finger. Each says: "In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Take and wear this ring as a sign of my love and faithfulness."

Episcopal - The groom places the ring on the bride's finger and says: "____, I give you this ring as a symbol of my vow, and with all that I am and all that I have, I honor you, in the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit." If the wedding is a double-ring ceremony, the bride does the same.

Jewish - The groom says: "Harey at mekuddeshet li B'taba'at zo k'dat Moshe V'israel," which means, "Behold, thou are consecrated unto me with this ring according to the law of Moses and of Israel." Then the groom places the ring on the bride's finger. If the wedding is a double-ring ceremony, the bride recites the same words (with changes for gender) and places the ring on the groom's finger.

If you are having a religious ceremony with traditional vows, there is still room for input. Read through the customary vows to make sure you find nothing contradictory with your beliefs, such as things that you think are outdated or sexist. Consider inserting special readings or poems. Sometimes family and friends are invited to read scriptures or poetry.

Self-Written Vows

Many brides and grooms write their own vows. Writing your own wedding vows allows you to express your commitment and love for your partner in your own words. While traditional vows given at a religious wedding ceremony are great for some couples, they aren't personal enough for others. Writing your own wedding vows is also an ideal choice for couples having a non-religious wedding ceremony.

Writing and saying your own wedding vows is a very moving and intimate way to express your feelings for one another. It gives your wedding ceremony a special uniqueness not common to every wedding. However before you can express your feelings you must identify them. Talk to your partner about your marriage, beliefs, hopes and dreams. Use this conversation as the basis of your wedding vows (take notes).

Here are some questions to get you started:

*What are the strengths or special qualities of your relationship?
*What hopes, dreams and goals do you share?
*When did you realize he/she was the one?
*What have you learned from one another?
*What traits about your partner inspire you? Why?
*What are the special moments of your relationship thus far?
*What aspects of married life do you look forward to with your partner?

Once you have a foundation, start writing your wedding vows. Keep in that mind during your vows you must state your promise to remain committed to your partner and that you take them as your spouse. A line of this type is required to ensure your wedding vows are legally binding.

There are other points to consider when writing your wedding vows:

*Your wedding vows should be no longer than 3 minutes.
*The words should come from the heart - be open and sincere.
*Decide whether each of you will recite the same or different vows.
*Include your guests by having them respond with their blessings and support.
*Include proverbs, quotes or poetry if you feel it adds to your vows.
*Read the vows aloud to catch any errors.
*Re-write as necessary, but not too much - the vows don't need to be perfect, just personal.
*Discuss your wedding vows with your officiant - they can check that the vows are legal or offer suggestions if you need help.

How to Pick the Right Wedding Theme for You

Do you know what style of wedding that you want to have? You may not have thought about this before though understanding your personal wedding style which support you in making better choices as you plan your wedding.

There are 4 standard ceremony styles, though keep in mind there is always room to make your wedding personal to you.

Traditional: traditional weddings are performed in a church, synagogue, or temple by the certified member of your church.

Contemporary: contemporary wedding ceremony will be in a beautiful location like a garden or beach, historical building, or private residence that has a lot of space. R Contemporary wedding are still performed by a religious leader just not in a church or other similar religious building.

Unique: unique wedding ceremonies are those that are completely different. For instance people have gotten married underwater, on mountains, or in a plane. The only thing that hinders a unique wedding is your imagination.

Private: private weddings are weddings with intimate number of people or a wedding performed at city hall. Often private weddings are chosen when people are farther away from their family and will host a wedding party at a later date.

Once you know your ceremony style, you can chose from different overall wedding styles.

Formal wedding: formal wedding is what you think of when you see a fairy take wedding in a movie. A formal wedding is the traditional wedding in a church, tons of flowers and decorations, wedding reception with the triple layered cake, dance to embarrass the family and so on. The attire is formal for the guests and the bridal party with your traditional wedding dresses and tuxedos for the men.

Casual wedding: a casual wedding typically has less people invited and the attire is more causal. Causal weddings are often in gardens, the beach, or some other intimate location. Typically the wedding party afterwords is in a lower key atmosphere like drinks on a dinner cruise.

Themed wedding: themed weddings are easier when the wedding is also causal and has fewer guests than your traditional wedding. There are many different possible themes and can be a challenge to get every guest in the appropriate theme.